


‘cause i think you’re so good, and i’m nothing like you

by peachyminhee



Category: Cravity (Band), Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, will prolly be minhee x hyeongjun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:46:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23868481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachyminhee/pseuds/peachyminhee
Summary: For as long as Song Hyeongjun could remember, he had always been inferior to others.
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Song Hyeongjun/Everyone
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title is from 'love like you' by rebecca sugar!  
> this story is heavily inspired by a clip from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaMmw9hZZvw at around 9:20-9:55, if you were curious.
> 
> note: i am in no way trying to put words into cravity's hyeongjun's mouth by writing this story, and i definitely don't want to seem like i'm assuming how he feels in certain situations. i wrote this story because i really related to what he said in the clip above. thank you for understanding!

For as long as Song Hyeongjun could remember, he had always been inferior to others.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, you see. It had always been a sort of habit for him to think of others as somewhat greater than himself.

Sometimes it just meant he had to move aside and let others take the lead. It wasn’t that big of a deal! Hyeongjun had never really been the type to stand his ground against people who seemed so much bigger than him, anyway.

Sometimes it meant he had to work harder than others to be worthy enough for them. To Hyeongjun, this wasn’t a bad thing either. After all, it boosted his work ethic! He got much more done when he was working with others. He had a lot to learn from his peers.

He always put others, whether he was close to them or not, on a sort-of metaphorical pedestal. And on the other hand, he, Song Hyeongjun, was always...

Inferior.

\--

The sound of laughter echoed through the school halls, and Hyeongjun couldn’t help but shrink as he heard the sounds get closer and closer to him. Taking a deep breath, he turned around and grinned a little too widely at his two friends, who had come to a stop in front of his desk.

“Hyeongjunnie!” Sihoon crowed. “Why are you still in here? Look around, everyone’s already gone to lunch,” the boy smiled, eyes turning to crescents. “Come oooon, how slow can you be?”

Hyeongjun blinked owlishly, peering around the classroom to find that it was indeed, empty. He must have spaced out for a lot longer than he thought. He flushed at the realization and opened his mouth to apologize for keeping them waiting when Junseo looked at him sternly, cutting him off with a sigh.

“Don’t apologize, it’s really nothing. Loosen up. It’s really weird to see you looking like a kicked puppy every time we talk to you,” Junseo’s lips curled up into a small smile as he slung an arm around Hyeongjun’s shoulders, jolting the smaller boy forwards.

Hyeongjun smiled slightly, more genuine this time, and giggled when his hair was ruffled by Sihoon.

“Let’s go to the cafeteria,” Hyeongjun suggested, looking at the others for silent confirmation.

Junseo looked confused. “Well, duh, where else would we be going? You don’t need to ask for permission to go somewhere.”

They arrived at the cafeteria quietly, exchanging mindless small talk to fill up the comfortable silence. When they sat down at the table with their food, Sihoon glanced over at Hyeongjun. The boy was a little quieter than usual, chewing on his food slowly.

“Hyeongjunnie, is there something bothering you?”  
Hyeongjun startled at the question, snapping his eyes up from his rice to Sihoon’s worried expression. He knawed on his lip nervously, fiddling with his chopsticks before answering quietly,

“Uhn, a little? I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently,” he mumbled.

Junseo looked at the smaller boy who was now seemingly in deep thought and prodded him lightly. “Care to elaborate?”

Hyeongjun straightened up, appearing to have settled on something. His next question was a rush of words, spoken as quickly as possible.

“What do you guys think of me becoming an idol?”

There was a beat of silence. Hyeongjun looked expectantly at his two friends, his heart racing, and his lunch long forgotten.

More silence. Then laughter.

 _Laughter_ , as if Hyeongjun had told them a joke, and not his biggest secret. He felt his cheeks burn with humiliation because _of course_ they would laugh. They were always like that, treating everything like a joke.

“Hyeongjunnie,” Sihoon spluttered, not even looking the tiniest bit sorry, “what are you _on_ about?”

“S-see, I’ve been taking dance classes recently a-and I thought I finally found something I wanted to do?” Hyeongjun’s voice lilted upwards as if asking a question and not making a statement. God, he felt so stupid.

It was true though, the fact that he felt different about dancing more than anything he’d tried before. The thrill and almost childish excitement he felt when he danced was unbeatable. It was as though he had finally clicked with a certain passion that he had been searching for all his life.

And yet here he was, sitting in front of two of the bigger people in his life and they’re laughing. Hyeongjun almost wanted to cry, but somehow he swallowed it down.

Junseo caught his breath, his eyes glinting with amusement. He turned slightly so he was facing Hyeongjun, sighing at the smaller boy’s somewhat crestfallen expression.

“Listen Hyeongjun, we know you better than your other classmates, right?” Junseo paused, taking a moment to look him in the eye. “Let’s be real here: your face, your singing, _nothing_ really works in your favor in terms of talent or visuals. And to try and be an idol at that? You’ve seriously got to be kidding.”

Suddenly feeling much too vulnerable, Hyeongjun felt his eyes well with tears. His fingers twitched uselessly at his sides. God, he was going to cry. His friends were trying to help him realize a mistake and he was going to cry like a baby about it. _I’m being dramatic,_ Hyeongjun thought to himself. 

Sihoon groaned at the sight of Hyeongjun’s watering eyes. “Jesus, Hyeongjun, we’re just trying to look out for you. Don’t be so sensitive.”

Sihoon picked up a napkin from his lunch tray and slid it across the table to Hyeongjun.

 _See? They’re just trying to help._ Hyeongjun picked up the napkin with trembling hands and wiped his eyes quickly. He couldn’t stay down like this and be even more of a burden than he already was to the other two boys.

He lifted his head slightly and let out a hollow giggle. “Sorry, I’m being stupid. I guess I’m really stressed out because of tests!” He plastered on his signature beam, looking at the other two. His eyesight was still blurry but even he could tell that they weren’t impressed.

“Whatever, let’s go. I’m not really hungry anymore.”

\--

In the end, Hyeongjun got accepted into Starship Entertainment. In a sudden burst of confidence, nurtured mostly by his sister, he took the audition opportunity and began his road to achieving his dream. He was going to be an idol, and he wouldn't let his 'friends' stop him!

But that day, Song Hyeongjun learned something that would stick with him even when he entered Produce X 101, debuted in X1, debuted in _Cravity_. It wasn’t always prominent, sometimes overshadowed by his naturally bubbly personality, but it was still there.

_Song Hyeongjun is, and would always be, inferior to others._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of you are confused about why hyeongjun still goes for the audition, here is my brief explanation if it makes any sense lmao:  
> hyeongjun (in this story) is a naturally ambitious and bubbly person, but one of his weaknesses is always looking to others for validation. when he isn't given validation, it puts him down and it sticks with him, but he's smart enough to not give up completely.  
> i guess he's more of the type to let his initial personality (the ambitious and energetic one) be more prominent, and think about his actions later in a more pessimistic way after they've been made.
> 
> hello!! ^^ thank you for stopping by to read my messes!  
> please do leave comments :0 i'd love to hear from people <3  
> (respectful) constructive criticism is welcome! please be kind, i'm a fairly young writer .///.  
> again, thank you very much for reading my work :) have a wonderful day!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Hyeongjun was being honest, he’d tell you that his heart dropped to his feet and simultaneously fluttered with excitement when he learned that he was going on Produce X 101.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! i'm back with another chapter ^^ i hope it will be up to your expectations!

If Hyeongjun was being honest, he’d tell you that his heart dropped to his feet and simultaneously fluttered with excitement when he learned that he was going on Produce X 101. 

Even after he left the Starship building with his new ‘Starshipz’ members, and after he had laid in bed at the dorms, his mind continued to buzz.

Imagine him, Song Hyeongjun, going on a popular reality TV show with other people ready to be the future _nation’s_ group! People like… Kang Daniel and Hwang Minhyun, or Jeon Somi and Kim Sejeong would be there, ready to establish their spot in the K-pop world.

But where would Hyeongjun be in all of this? There would surely be trainees who had trained for years on end, who had never had the chance to show their talents. Heck, maybe there would even be people who had debuted before, like NU’EST or Hotshot from season two. Meanwhile, Hyeongjun had only trained for, what, one year and three months?

It just wasn’t enough to be anywhere near the people who would be on that show.

Hyeongjun let out a frustrated huff, staring at his ceiling. Well, if you could call it a ceiling. It was actually just the bottom of the higher bunk of the bunk bed. 

How silly of him. He was feeling intimidated by all of the other trainees before he had even met them!

He ran his hand through his freshly permed hair, internally scolding himself for his overthinking. 

The room was dark and quiet save for the occasional snore from the bunk above or beside him. His thoughts continued to simmer in his head, despite Hyeongjun telling himself that there was nothing that should be bothering him.

This was a good opportunity, right? He’ll be in the presence of some amazing people and mentors. He had a perfect childish persona assigned by Starship. His role was simple: the tiny, pocket-sized boy with curly hair and big eyes and a cute accent. That was him. He’d be bubbly and cute and everything that he usually was around the other Starship trainees. He just… had to be himself!

… 

He couldn’t sleep.

\--

Finally, the day had arrived. Hyeongjun fiddled with his almost comedically big nametag that was plastered on his tummy as he looked around. 

The Produce X 101 set was _enormous_.

_Of course it is, Hyeongjun. It needs to fit, like, 101 people, remember?_

Hyeongjun giggled nervously to himself. Silly him. 

It would be okay, he tried to reassure himself as he held tightly to Hyunbin’s hand and walked to the middle of the stage. The Starship logo flashed on every screen he could see, giving Hyeongjun and the other Starship trainees a not-so-subtle reminder of what they were here for and what others were expecting of them. 

Hyeongjun’s face showed a cute, wide-eyed expression on the big screen, but his hands were shaking. He felt Hyunbin squeeze it slightly in silent reassurance, quelling a few his jitters.

“It’s okay,” he heard Wonjin whisper from beside him. “You can do this, Hyeongjunnie.” Hyeongjun didn’t even have to look over his shoulder to know that Wonjin was nervous too.

Dozens of eyes followed their team’s every step, naturally assessing them. After all, they’d be going against each other in a matter of days. 

Hyeongjun didn’t even want to think about the cameras, recording his actions to be taken to the editors to be shown to the public, possible fans or haters--

Shaking his head slightly, Hyeongjun willed himself to forget about all of it: the expectations, the other trainees’ opinions, the cameras. The cameras were here to help him. He’d make a good impression on everyone, and it would be fine. He took a deep breath.

He could do this!

\--  


"D rank: Moon Hyunbin, Ham Wonjin. X rank: Song Hyeongjun, Kang Minhee, Koo Jungmo."

Hyeongjun could feel his heart thundering in his ears as he stumbled off stage from his first, and now last evaluation. He came thinking maybe, just maybe he could be brave for _once in his life_ and represent Starship.

How pathetic was that? How stupid was he to think that he could do anything of the sort when he couldn’t even answer to the teachers?

He came to this show thinking he was a dancer when in reality he couldn’t even muster up the courage to even _try_ to freestyle.

More than anything, he felt so ashamed. They were supposed to be going into this together! All five of them in their tight-knit group, working together to debut.

A mere thirty minutes ago, the idea seemed exhilarating to all of them.

But as Hyeongjun attached an ‘X’ sticker to his nametag, he felt sick. Minhee and Jungmo were silent as they did the same.

“I’m--” Hyeongjun turned around slowly to look at Wonjin, who seemed at a loss of what to do.

“No,” Hyeongjun murmured, interrupting the other, “I’m sorry. I messed up.”

Wonjin’s face crumbled, tears dribbling down his face. “Don’t be sorry. I-- I just wish we could stay together.”

Hyeongjun wanted to scream, but he didn’t. His next statements were said with a quivering voice. 

“How can I not be sorry? I’ve broken our promise. I’m a dancer and I couldn’t even dance. I don’t have an excuse for being this horrible!” Hyeongjun’s cracked awkwardly at the end of his outburst with everyone looking at him in shock.

See, Hyeongjun was never the type to raise his voice or completely explode. He never really gets _angry_ , per se, but he gets frustrated, upset, and most of all, overwhelmed. At that instant, more emotion was speaking for Hyeongjun than Hyeongjun himself, and he realized that.

_I’m just being dramatic._ The boy almost physically reeled himself back in, wrapping his arms around his middle in an almost defensive stance. 

“Hyeongjunnie,” Minhee began, looking confused at Hyeongjun’s sudden change in demeanor.

“It’s fine,” Hyeongjun said, barely loud enough for the others to hear. “I’m really sorry we can’t go on this show together.”

Everyone seemed to want to say something, but the backstage crew was ushering them away before anyone could get their thoughts out. From Hyeongjun’s hunched figure and the even tenser atmosphere, the others reluctantly left it at that.

\--

It turned out that Hyeongjun’s dramatic outburst was for nothing, after all. X trainees never went back to their companies alone and instead were sent to a separate training center. Forcing himself to be the optimist, he tried to think that this was great! After all, when you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Somehow, Hyeongjun managed to land a spot as the X class’ leader and… he’d rather not think about it. At that moment, his ambition had overshadowed his doubts, and naturally, he bit off more than he could chew. Of course, that escalated into a few mini-mental breakdowns alone in the break rooms, but no one had to know that.

After all, everyone was busy with their own challenges, and Hyeongjun wholeheartedly understood that. It was understandable: everyone was so occupied with the ridiculously tight schedule, they barely had time to manage _themselves_.

When he moved up to D class after the X1-MA evaluations and reunited with the other Starship trainees, Hyeongjun could feel that something had… changed. The others seemed warier around him, more determined to treat him nicely and choosing their words carefully.

He didn’t really like it. He didn’t want to be treated like a porcelain doll that would shatter at any moment!

But what _did_ he want? He didn’t want to be treated like a baby and underestimated by others, but he didn’t want to be treated as someone bigger than what he believed he was.

He just didn’t know what he wanted to be.

Hyeongjun made a silent agreement with himself then, that he wouldn’t let others worry about him. It seemed that their entire team had a harder time when he wasn't like his usual bubbly persona. He would just have to be _like himself_ around the others and keep the _not-so-like-himself_ moments to himself. 

He, Song Hyeongjun, would not be a burden to the team!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are very much appreciated! ^o^


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